given that (homo)sexuality seems to be top of mind for most folks these days, i’m going to break down my sexuality continuum theory for everyone…
we have super gay folks at one end, and uber straight folks at the other. everyone else is somewhere in between (and in my personal opinion, i’d say middle-dwellers constitute upwards of 70% of the population; which basically means even if you identify as a straight person, on my continuum you’re probably still a middle-dweller).
the majority of middle-dwellers are straight-identified, but have more than likely either thought about having a same-sex experience, or have actually participated in such. and this applies to men just as much as women. (however, it’d be very difficult to get men – or any one man, for that matter – to admit to this, given that our society has not condoned man-on-man fantasies, sexual experiences, etc. as they have for women. and although it will take much longer, i do believe that we will eventually reach a place where we’ll see men kissing other men in the club. but i digress…)
middle-dwellers are a very diverse group of folks (more so than the super gays and uber straights). with that, here are the categories i’ve come up with (so far) for middle-dwellers:
[please note that most references will be of women, as i'm most familiar with their habits & tendencies, but all categories apply to men just as easily]
the dreamer – these are folks that are possibly closest to the border shared by middle-dwellers and uber straight folks. they’re completely straight (not to be confused with uber straight), but every now and then have a thought, dream, or even fantasy (for the slightly more adventerous dreamers!) about hooking up with – or more likely, just kissing – someone of the same sex. these thoughts don’t consume them, but they’ve definitely occured. my favorite dreamers: barbara walters & oprah. i don’t believe either woman has ever really considered hooking up with another female, but given their high-profiles in broadcast journalism and the entertainment industry, i can’t imagine after interviewing plenty of lgbt folks, they haven’t wondered at least just once what the rage was all about!
the peacock – these folks just want attention. they can be found kissing someone of the same sex in the club, during a game of truth-or-dare, or in the back of someone’s car – usually always at the request of others. they slap asses on-demand. and why you ask? “because it’s fun,” they’ll tell you (not to mention insert random name here told me to). attention-seekers don’t deserve a spot on the favorites list.
the wifey (hubby) – these folks tend to move from a serious hetero relationship (usually married for 5+ years with 2 kids or so) into a serious same-sex relationship. the hetero relationship generally ends amicably, and a same-sex rendevous blossoms when the wifey finds comfort and support from (one of) her (only) lesi buddies or acquaintances. they fall in love (the kids & ex-spouse usually embrace the relationship) and the blended family lives happily ever after. this is a lesi relationship by circumstance; falling in love with the person for who they are and not what they are; a mere case of sexuality being trumped by love. my favorite wifey: cynthia nixon. she has gone from a serious hetero relationships to significant, long-term same-sex relationship and takes it for what it is – a serious love connection. cynthia doesn’t identify as a lesi, as far as i know (and that’s a-ok in my book). rock on!
the robert kelly - i’d classify these folks as teetering the border between middle-dwellers and super gays. in fact, their gay friends, lovers, and acquaintances usually don’t even know robert kellys get down hetero style (the typical “vice versa” should be implied here). this is a true case of living double lives (to what extent can be somewhat arguable, i suppose). i try my very best not to pass judgment on these folks, because i know it’s typically a chronic case of denial, fear, and self-loathing. everyone has a process, and we can’t all be resilient to our familial and societal woes at age 16. my favorite robert kelly: jl king. he put men on blast and gave women all over the country something to think about. he created “a movement of awareness” and put us all onto the down low phenomenon. and in my opinion, he forced dudes to take accountability for their actions. kudos for real.
the tall glass of water – these folks love a tall (or short, if you know what’s best!) glass of water, whether it’s a chick or a dude. they appreciate beauty and enjoy a good time (“time” being a euphamism of course!), and couldn’t really care less who it comes from. these folks are probably the most in tune with their sexuality of all middle-dwellers, and might be referred to as bisexual in laymen’s terms. my favorite tall glass of water: angelina jolie. brangelina is in full effect, but my girl definitely gets down with the get down.
the scientist – these folks embrace their curiosity (or let it get the best of them, depending on your perspective). they know what goes through their mind when a cutie of the same sex walks by, and they’re not afraid to act on it (well, sometimes they might need a little cohersion). they’ll never be in a same-sex relationship, because that’s not what they want. they’re only interested in experimenting. and if they don’t get what they expected the first time around, a few additional experiments may be necessary (and usually always with more than one experimentee). plain and simple, scientists are only interested in either proving or disproving theories. i have a few favorite scientists, but if i told you who they were, i’d have to kill you.
the #2 – if life was a mcdonald’s, these folks would walk in and order a hetero lifestyle with a same-sex on the side (better known as a #2). they want to have their cake and eat it too. they want a normal life (defined as such by society’s heterosexist terms, of course) for convenience, but refuse to give up the same-sex experiences they enjoy so much. these folks (generally) don’t deny having what they want on the side. they’d just prefer to keep it there. i would bet money (9 times out of 10) that the hetero spouse knows about the side piece, and has no problem with it (assuming of course, it’s the woman with the side piece; otherwise the side piece is more than likely an unknown). #2’s are not to be confused with tall glasses of water, who are usually unmarried. if i listed my favorite #2’s, it would only be speculation; so i’ll refrain for now.
this is a work in progress, so there may be some additions in the near future.
keep in mind…according to my statistics, only 3 out of every 10 of you are either super gay or uber straight. the middle-dwellers are among us!
a couple of months ago i decided to become a vegetarian. i was a vegetarian for two and a half years in high school, and that was because i had recently visited a petting zoo (as a camp counselor) and was completely and utterly turned off by all of the chickens & turkeys running around. they were dirty and gross, and i was sick to my stomach at first sight. i’ve never been into red meat (save for pepperoni and bacon, of course), so
